Myths - SOME MYTHS & FACTS ABOUT RAPE In order to deny responsibility for their sexual violence, men have constructed an entire mythology, which tries to put the blame on women. The myths of rape include the pernicious ideas that: " Women enjoy it " Women say no but mean yes " Women provoke it by their clothes or their behaviour " Men have an uncontrollable sex drive and so are unable to do anything about it. These myths are not only voiced by individual men, they are also central to male thinking in general, including members of the police force, the judicial system and the media. The prevalence of these myths is one reason why reporting rape or sexual assault to the police and going through the courts can be such an unpleasant experience for women. It is important to know that there is a long history of men using sexual violence to secure their interests at women's expense. This means that we are not to blame for men's sexual violence. It is not our fault. The rape and sexual assault of women and girls are crimes of male sexual violence. This can have a long-lasting emotional and physical impact, whether or not the woman knows her abuser. Myth: Only young, attractive women are at risk of being raped. Fact: Women of all ages, classes, racial groups and lifestyles have been raped. No woman or girl asks to be humiliated and degraded by an act of extreme violence. Myth: Rape is a product of an uncontrollable and overwhelming sex drive. Fact: Men can, and do, control their sexual urges. Rape is an act of violence not a sexual act. Myth: She didn't struggle so she was not raped. Fact: Most women are too afraid to struggle because of threats of violence if they make a sound. Myth: Women enjoy rape. Fact: Rape is never pleasurable for any woman. Myth: Rape only occurs at the hands of strangers in dark alleys, at night, behind bushes, in lonely places. Fact: Research shows that in the majority of cases the rapist is known to the woman. He may be a Friend, a Workmate, Relative or Husband. About 50% of rapes occur in the home of the woman or attacker. Myth: Rape is committed by a sex starved maniac overwhelmed by uncontrollable sexual urges. Fact: Rape is not about sex, it is about POWER and VIOLENCE. The vast majority of rapes are carefully planned. Myth: Women "ask for it" by hitching lifts, wearing short skirts and make-up, leading men on. Fact: No women ever deserves to be raped, abused or assaulted, no matter what the circumstances, most rapes are planned. What a woman is wearing makes no difference. Myth: It cannot be rape unless there has been an act of physical violence such as beating, or cutting or using a weapon and in some way physically injuring the woman. Fact: Some attackers badly beat and severely injure the woman, others do not. However, in any rape the man violently takes away the woman's control over her life and her sexuality and women suffer psychological trauma. The emotional after effects of rape can include eating disorders, sleeping disorders, agoraphobia, depression, suicide attempts and sexual difficulties. Myth: Rape is just sex when a woman does not want it. Fact: Sexual assault and rape are not just sex. They involve the total humiliation of a woman. They involve taking control of her body against her will. They involve taking all dignity and self assurance away from a woman, and reducing her to an object of sexual abuse. It is violence when someone forces a woman to engage in sexual acts against her will. It is humiliation. It is degradation. During interviewing rapists say themselves that rape is more about power and violence than about sex. Myth: Prostitutes can't suffer rape. Fact: Any man who forces a woman into a sexual act against her will has abused her. Any woman regardless of her job or her appearance can suffer rape. Myth: Women enjoy rape. Some women ask for it. Women lead the rapist on. Fact: It is very handy to be able to blame the woman this way. It lets the attackers off the hook and it helps other people to feel safe. If you believe that women are to blame when they suffer rape, then you might imagine that you can protect yourself by being careful and sensible. The truth is that an attack can take place against any woman, at any time, and in any place. Suffering rape is a traumatic violation. A woman is often afraid that he will kill her. She may try to calm the rapist down by pretending she is enjoying herself. Rape is the sole responsibility of the rapist, regardless of anything a woman may do to survive. Myth: Women say no when they mean yes. Fact: While some women may have been socialised into believing that it is wrong for them to want sex, and that they should play hard to get, when a woman says "no" she means "no". This is no excuse for disregarding a woman's "no" to sex. Myth: She wanted it really. Fact: This is part of the idea that all women want, need and/or enjoy being taken by force and that she only said "no" to take away the need to feel guilty. Women do not want, need or enjoy being threatened, beaten or being afraid for their lives. Myth: She changed her mind. Fact: This is sometimes used as an "explanation" for rape, I.e. she wished afterwards that she hadn't done it, or as part of the "she meant yes" argument. In reality if a woman changes her mind at any point and the man continues then it is rape. Myth: The woman or girl is guilty; she could have stopped the rape if she had really wanted to. Fact: Most men are stronger than women and rapists use this physical advantage to prevent women from resisting successfully. During a rape a woman sometimes becomes paralysed by fear. In addition rapists often threaten women with weapons or fists, or with harm to their children and loved ones. Psychological coercion or the exploitation of power imbalances between the rapist and the woman - especially when they know each other - can also overcome a woman's resistance. Regardless of how much physical force the rapist used or didn't use, he is the guilty party, not the woman or girl. Myth: Rape is worse for virgins and girls from 'nice homes' than for non virgins. Fact: Any woman can suffer rape; it makes no difference if she has previously had sexual intercourse. Rape is a matter of consent and has no relevance to how a woman has previously spent her life. Myth: Women and girls make up stories about rape and sexual assault. She only said it because she got pregnant. She only said it because she was late home. Fact: This is a myth that is frequently cited to try and prove that a woman is lying, or that her evidence is unacceptable. It is proven that the level of false reporting of rape is about the same as that for any other crime - 2%. The nature of the physical examination and the intimate questioning about a woman's life when she reports rape makes it highly unlikely that any woman would use this as an 'excuse'. Myth: A rapist is not normal. Rapists are sex fiends, maniacs, monsters, pathetic, sick. Rapists are madmen. Fact: Many rapists appear perfectly normal. They often have steady jobs and consensual relationships with wives and girlfriends. Many people believe that men who sexually assault women are loners, incapable of forming relationships or leading normal lives. The popular image of a rapist is of someone who spends all his time lurking in bushes ready to pounce on lone women. The police interviewed Peter Sutcliffe nine times before they discovered that he was the Yorkshire Ripper. He didn't fit their image of a mass rapist and murderer because he was married, had a steady job and a nice home. This is how it is with many attackers. When a woman suffers rape from her husband or a man she may have known for a long time, it is hard to call him a rapist because she will feel that no one will believe her. She fears people will accuse her of corrupting a respectable man. This is because people don't realise what rape involves. Myth: Rapists are drunk. Fact: This is often offered as another excuse along with the "he couldn't help himself" line. It is a fact that most people are capable of having a drink without attacking another human being. This remains an excuse that some people use to take responsibility away from the rapist. Myth: It is strangers in dark alleys who rape. Fact: Surveys indicate that about 60% of men who rape know the woman they are raping, as in acquaintance and date rape. Myth: Rape does not happen in marriage. Fact: Husbands can rape their wives. Rape is sexual acts without the woman's consent. Myth: Rape is unplanned; the rapist's natural sexual urges carry him away. Fact: Men do not have uncontrollable urges. They are not incapable of stopping sexual intercourse once it has begun. There is no scientific evidence to suggest that men have 'stronger' sexual drives than women. This is an inaccurate belief rooted in society, not a fact. It is not women's responsibility to control men's sexuality. This myth is just another convenient excuse. Myth: If a boy spends a lot of money on a girl he has a right to have sex with her. Fact: Just because someone has spent money on you doesn't mean he has any rights to your body. If a boy buys you something it is his choice and you don't owe him anything, least of all sex. If you're not sure then go halves on everything. We would like to thank the Rape Crisis Federation Wales and England for this material. http://www.rapecrisis.co.uk